HEARTBREAK TO HAPPY EVER AFTER | How I Used Mind Detox Therapy to Heal an Unhealthy Relationship Pattern
All my relationships ended in tears… when people I loved left me. Following a series of failed relationships, and after noticing that they would all unfold in a similar way, I wanted to get to the heart of the unhealthy feelings and behaviours that kept cropping up and messing with my capacity to hold down a healthy relationship.
Things began great, I was relaxed, funny and confident and I saw the other person as my “perfect match”. Then, at some point, either I would realise I loved them or they would say they loved me and things would quickly head downhill. I would become jealous and judgemental, clingy and uneasy, and I would start finding faults and countless convincing reasons for why they were no longer the right fit for me.
We would have drawn-out arguments over stupid stuff. Do you know the kind? Whatever was said, I would come up with a ‘smart’ reason not to accept their reassurances and we’d go around in circles. I wasn’t intentionally behaving this way; sucked into my emotions, nothing they said would soothe how I felt, as my past trauma was doing most of the talking.
When the argument finally ran out of steam, I’d often be distant for days. In short, I was difficult to be around until they, quite rightly, left me. I would then be distraught over the loss; regretful for the part I played yet strangely satisfied. My repeated relationship heartbreak, and confusing sense of satisfaction when they eventually ended things, motivated me to do a some ‘Mind Detox’ therapy to find and heal the hidden cause.
Discovering the Root Cause
“What event in my life is the cause of this problem, the first event that, when resolved, will cause the problem to disappear. If I were to know, what age was I?” Age 14 came to mind.
“When I think of this time, what’s the first person, place, event or thing that comes to mind?”
I was catapulted, in my mind, back to being on my bicycle, riding towards my best friend’s house. I remembered turning in to the street where he lived and stopping outside his house. But before dropping my bike to run up and knock on his door, I noticed something strange. Looking into his front room, I saw all the furniture had vanished. The front room— no, wait, the entire house was empty. He was gone.
“What was it about what happened that was a problem for me?”
I felt: “Sad and abandoned because my best friend left me.” All of a sudden, my relationship failures made so much sense. As long as this root cause remained unresolved, I would be incapable of enjoying any long-term relationship with anyone I loved, or who loved me.
One thing the mind always wants to do is prove itself right. As long as I believed people I love leave me, then I would feel the need to push people away until they eventually left. As long as they stayed, something wouldn’t feel right, so I would find reasons to explain the way I felt. It also clarified my tendency towards jealousy, as I was inadvertently searching for proof to support my unconscious expectation that they were going to leave me.
Why am I sharing this story? Our unresolved past ‘stuff’ can keep us stuck in fear-based feelings and behaviours, which keep us in lower-level frequencies that perpetuate negative life patterns. To the point that whenever something triggers our unresolved traumas, we are almost ‘taken-over’ by our energetic ‘injury’ – compromising us and making us unable to feel and behave how we want to.
Can you relate to this experience? Have you ever observed yourself feeling or acting in ways that you know aren’t aligned with your highest intentions and preferred ways to be?
On the other hand, I want you to know there’s light at the end of the ‘trauma tunnel’ that we can sometimes find ourself in. By recognising, resolving and releasing our past mental and emotional ‘injuries’, I’ve seen in myself and others that it’s possible to become free from these negative frequencies, and therefore chronic negative feelings and behaviours.
Resolving the Root Cause
One way to do this is to come to new conclusions about what happened to us in our past. For example, continuing my story from earlier, I asked:
“What can I know now that, if I had known it in the past, I would have never felt sad and abandoned because my best friend left me, in the first place?”
My best friend was 14 years old and it was highly unlikely that it was his choice to pick up and leave. It was safe to assume that it was a decision made by his parents. I also had been away at my family’s caravan in the Highlands of Scotland for the entire summer holidays. Back then we didn’t have mobile phones or telephones in the caravan, so there was no way he could let me know, even if he had wanted to. Therefore, it wasn’t personal and I wasn’t abandoned. I also made new friends and have always had great mates in my life.
After healing this traumatic event and subsequent inner injury, which I’d been carrying for a couple decades, did I go on to marry the next woman I met? No! However, I did find the old low-frequency feelings and behaviours that had ruined my previous relationships didn’t happen again, and I’m pleased to report that today I’m very happily married.
Next Step
In this article, I talked about a method taught in my Mind Detox Masterclass. Click below for info and immediate access!
You can also train as a Mind Detox Practitioner by CLICKING HERE.
About the Author
Sandy C. Newbigging is a trauma-aware therapeutic coach, meditation teacher, author and award-winning coach trainer. For twenty years, his research, clinical work and academy courses have been dedicated to uncovering and curing the unconscious causes of mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and life issues. Sandy specialises in releasing past traumas, understanding and harnessing the mind-body connection, improving mindset, and gaining an optimal relationship with life. To work with him, check out his One:One Sessions, Calm Clan Membership and Academy. Sandy recently won the FHT ‘Tutor of the Year’ award!
