HEALTHY COMMUNITY OR HARMFUL CULT? | Former Spiritual Cult Member Reveals the Red Flags
I was in a spiritual cult. Since getting out a few years ago, I’ve researched cultic communities to unpack what happened to me, to help others to avoid similar harmful groups, and to understand how ‘love and light’ can, so often, turn dark.
The truth is anyone is susceptible to ending up in a culty community, like the one I was in. Spiritual communities are so appealing because they teach helpful things, give us beneficial tools, and offer the opportunity to belong and be part a meaningful mission that most people would want - such as helping to make the world a more peaceful place.
It has been said that ‘nobody joins a cult; they join something good’.
For me, I was drawn to the promise of living with more inner peace, and I was attracted to the group mission of ‘healing humanity through the healing of the self’. For my first retreat, I spent three months meditating on an idyllic Greek island. I learned many interesting insights from the team of teachers, led by the charismatic spiritual leader; referred to as ‘Maharishi’. I also made friends and got the best tan of my life.
I was welcomed into my new-found ‘spiritual family’ with big smiles, wide-open arms and complimentary comments about ‘finding my path’ and ‘being an important part of it’. In the early years, I was showered with praise and celebrated for my clarity and ability to teach. I was made to feel special, but in retrospect, I was being love bombed, which is a common tactic of cults to ‘get you in’.
After thousands of hours of meditation and singing countless Sanskrit puja ceremonies, I emerged as a fully-fledged ‘monk’ and meditation teacher. From there, I went on to teach in multiple countries - from Austria to Australia. I share this background because communities like these are usually a positive experience, sometimes for a few years, with the harmful culty stuff introduced gradually, after you are already fully invested.
I was told that, unless I was lucky enough to be ‘struck by enlightenment lightening’, I needed to take vows to commit to the spiritual path. However, although they were sold as being solely for my spiritual growth, they included the small print vow of ‘surrendering my life’ to the leader of the organisation. Yes, I should have run away then, but I didn’t yet know that cults use spiritual ‘truths’ in manipulative and violent ways.
Once I was ‘in’, the love-bombing stopped, and the tough love started – known in the community as ‘ruthless compassion’.
Pitched as being ‘for my highest good’, and an ‘act of love that I should be grateful for’, it was harsh, abusive and demeaning. I was publicly shamed in the group meetings – usually being told I wasn’t committed or surrendered enough. This went on for years, irrespective of what I did to prove my commitment – including moving to a remote part of Spain to live in the spiritual community.
More culty red flags I witnessed and experienced firsthand included: mind games and manipulation, coercive control, mental and emotional abuse, bullying and belittling, confusing contradictions, constantly moving goal-posts, an ‘inner circle’ of secrets, and numerous narcissistic traits in the self-acknowledged ‘enlightened’ guru who ran the whole enterprise. Despite all of this and as with all cults, once you are in, there is no positively viewed exit available. Leavers are quitters and failures who have ‘fallen off the path’.
In the end, I was on the receiving end of the classic ‘us-versus-them’ cult mentality. When I left, I never heard from my ‘spiritual family’ ever again.
Here’s some questions to determine if you are in a healthy community or harmful cult:
Can you question the community norms or leader without any shaming, shunning or gaslighting? Are you required to be obedient, relinquish control or surrender yourself to a system or person? Are you free to come and go without any negative consequences? How are the people, who have previously left, spoken about? If it is derogatory then it is a red flag that you really should not ignore. Also, what do the people who have left say about the community? Do they believe it is a cult? I recommend you ask them why.
During my fourteen years in the cult, I went from being blinded by the love and light, to doing mental gymnastics to explain away the darn-right wrong and culty stuff I started seeing. I also tried to change it from the inside, until it became clear that the leader was never going to let things change.
These days I am free and an advocate for engaging spirituality in healthy and empowering ways. I hope you learn from many wise people and make life-long friends. I wish you safe travels on your spiritual journey.
Next Step
Please like and comment below. You can also subscribe to my newsletter below. as I will be sharing more on healthy and empowering spirituality in the future. Thanks!
Join me on my first solo-retreat since I got out of the cult - to learn a healthier more empowering form of spirituality. CLICK HERE for info.
About the Author
Sandy C. Newbigging is a therapeutic coach, meditator, author of twelve books and award-winning coach trainer. His books include Mind Calm, Body Calm and Calm Cure (Hay House Publishing) and Mind Detox (Findhorn Press). Sandy has been featured doing his Mind Detox therapeutic work on three television documentaries.
Sandy offers one-to-one Sessions, his Calm Clan Membership community, online Masterclasses and accredited Academy courses.
